A Terrifying Mental Maneuver

I just experienced a terrifying mental maneuver that some of you might be familiar with.

I was alone in my apartment, the clouded afternoon skies tried to cast light through the windows. I felt tired, I needed a nap. I love short afternoon naps, and don't like the grogginess that comes after thirty minutes. So I set my alarm for a half hour away and lay down. It was as if someone had pulled the blanket up over my eyes and pulled it instantly back down. I was in class. Not any classroom that I had ever seen, but it was Studies in Shakespeare. It was our day to act out King Lear and I didn't know any of my lines. The room was dark but light flooded in through the open door where the rest of the class huddled and watched us, like a shoe box theatre performance of Lear. I froze like a paper cutout forgetting my lines. There was an extra person who wasn't supposed to be there and the anxiety was overwhelming.

Suddenly the scene changed. I was in a crowded bar sitting next to my wife. A young boy was sitting on my lap. I had no idea who he was. There was some type of game that was going on but I couldn't understand what was being said over the loudspeaker. There was a strange remote control on the bar in front of me but I couldn't reach out and grab it. I suddenly realized two things. The first was that I was paralyzed, and the second was that I was dreaming. An image flashed on the bar top that looked quite like this:



Confused I tried again to lift my arm and grab the remote. My chest was getting heavy and breathing became difficult. Again an odd scene was projected on the bar, this time it stayed there.



I realized, and knew. First the waves of intense fear and paranoia began to pulse through my mind and flow over my body. Will I be able to make the leap? How long will it take to bridge the gap? I have gone through sleep paralysis enough times to know that I will come out of it, the question is always simply: how long? The bar scene faded and this image was all that remained:



It was my living room. My laptop lay open softly playing Bon Iver. It was my living room, but from another reality, not the one I was in. The light from the window was now blinding to my unprepared eyes. The perspective was from my own eyes, laying one mostly on top of the other close to the end of the couch. My brain was awake but I could not move anything. Breathing was difficult, nearly impossible. The catch is that the harder I fight the paralysis the longer it lasts. I knew this, I fought back against the clouds of paranoia and gut wrenching fear in order to relax. Nothing in my body was reacting to my mind's signals and I stopped trying to force it. If I could have close my eyes I would have, my mind was calm, my thoughts were calm. The lull was to last until the time came. It is a very small window, the portal hole is small, it's always small. I waited... waited. Relieved, I felt the invisible flap that indicates the bridge between the worlds and I jumped. Straining hard I pulled through suddenly and gasp for breath.

I can now feel my body, my fingers, my toes. They all move at my will. I made the jump, the mysterious yet terrifying mental maneuver. I looked at the clock, it had been only ten minutes since I closed my eyes.


Perhaps some of you know what sleep paralysis is or even have to deal with it yourself. The wikipedia article is here. The condition is when the mind wakes from sleep before de-paralyzing the body (which it does during REM sleep). It is sometimes accompanied by hallucinations and strong senses of danger and fear.

Quite the entrance into another reality. It is interesting, but unpleasant. Quite frankly, I hope death is easier.